Yoga has become increasingly popular and there are now about twenty million people, mostly women, practicing yoga in this country.  The recent film YogaWoman http://www.yogawoman.tv/the-film
.  is very moving and inspiring and shows how women are transforming yoga and how yoga is transforming women from all walks of life all over the world: women in prisons, women in Africa, women who have cancer, women who have been sexually abused, women who are obese, women who are depressed…and ordinary women, women with busy lives, women who are stressed, women with children, women with careers. However, yoga is not for women only and there is an increasing population of men who practice and teach yoga with the same kinds of transformative experiences as women.

In fact, it was men who began the practice of yoga several thousand years ago in India. For many years, it was only men who practiced yoga, and women who practiced yoga were ostracized from their families and communities.  When yoga cam to the United States in the sixties, it was brought by men from India, and almost all the great yoga masters were men until more recently.  Many female yoga teachers have now become masters themselves and these yoginis are influencing the entire practice as they teach a new generation of teachers.  Among the major female teachers who have been influential, many of them shown in the film YogaWoman, are Patricia Walden, Judith Lassater, Seane Corn, Shiva Rea, Nischala Joy Devi, Angela Farmer, Cyndi Lee, Colleen Saidman and many others, and there are new teachers being trained all the time.  There are many schools of yoga, Kripalu, Anusara, Ashtanga, Iyengar, Integral, Kundalini, Viniyoga, Jivamukti, to name several, and they all are variations of the practice of hatha yoga.

What makes yoga so popular in this culture?  Contemporary life demands a great deal of us, stress levels are high and people find little that suggests that they slow down.  Almost everyone I know, especially female colleagues, clients, friends and family, have lives that are busy or very busy. This includes single women, working mothers with young children, stay-at-home moms and even retired or semi-retired women.  Men, too, have busy and pressured lives. Yoga is one of the best places to learn how to slow down, breathe, relax and feel. Students often feel relaxed, replenished and rejuvenated after a yoga class. While most people start yoga simply for physical exercise, many people come into yoga to deal with stress and stress-related disorders such as depression and anxiety, addictions, PTSD and recovery from illness or injury.  As those of you who practice yoga know, the benefits are not just physical.  After practicing for a while people discover that in addition to getting stronger and more flexible, they have a more positive attitude to life and may find a closer relationship to their spirituality.  Yoga means yoke, the union of mind, body and spirit, and is designed to accomplish this through the breath, the breath of life.

In recent years, many yoga teachers have created ways to use yoga as therapy to help people heal from mental, emotional and physical disorders.  Yoga therapy is designed to relax the body, calm the mind and quiet the nervous system.  It is known to relieve hyperarousal of the neural pathways that contribute to depression, anxiety, PTSD and other stress-related   conditions using yoga postures (asanas), breathing techniques (pranayama), visualization, relaxation, yoga nidra (yogic sleep) and meditation. Among these teachers are Amy Weintraub, Nischala Joy Devi, Gary Kraftsow, Joseph LaPage, Patricia Walden and Judith Lasater.  Amy wrote the book Yoga for Depression: How Yoga Can Change Your Life, an excellent resource for people dealing with depression and anxiety, and she trains yoga teachers all over the country as well as presenting her work at professional conferences for psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and marriage and family therapists. I have been trained by Amy http://www.yogafordepression.com/lifeforceyoga.html and have been inspired to offer workshops and classes as well as indiviual yoga therapy to help people cope with depression, anxiety, PTSD and other stress-related disorders.   In yoga therapy, ancient yogic practices are combined with more modern self-healing techniques based on the new sciences of neurobiology and psychoneuroimmunology. These practices help each individual to overcome his or her emotional and life challenges.  Since each person’s biochemistry, history, needs, desires, current reality and physical conditions are unique, the therapy is customized for the individual.  When offered in a group setting, such as a workshop or class, these concepts and practices are introduced and people can begin to experience and release their barriers to inner peace and wholeness.

I will be offering a workshop, “Lifting Your Spirits With Yoga,” at Yoga for Everybody on January 7, 2012 from 3-5:30pm.  In this workshop, you will have the opportunity to experience postures, breathing, affirmation, visualization, relaxation and meditation to energize the body, calm the mind and open the heart to compassion for self and others.  To register, contact Yoga4Everybody.net – Yoga For Everybody.

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Lifting Your Spirits with Yoga

Through the practices of pranayama (breathing), asana (postures), affirmation, visualization, relaxation and meditation, participants in this workshop will experience ways to energize the body, calm the mind, and open the heart to compassion for the self and others.  Emphasis will be on the power of self-acceptance and self-love to manage moods and unlock the door to personal growth and transformation.  This workshop is particularly valuable for those who experience depression, anxiety, obsessions, compulsions, phobias, addictions, chronic pain and illness and will include sharing, introspection, journaling and intention setting.   You will leave this workshop with tools to take with you for your own practice.

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1. Stay on topic.
2. No put-downs, raising your voice or name-calling.
3. Equal talk-time for each partner.
4. Make “I” statements.
5. Pick a mutually agreeable time for discussions.
6. Take responsibility for your contribution to the problem.
7. Remember, if one person wins then the other one loses. The goal is for the relationship to win.
8. Avoid using aways and never.
9. Describe what you want; it should be reasonable, specific, behavioral and doable.
10. End on a positive note, even if there is no agreement it will be easier to find a solution the next time

This is definitely not a complete list but it is a good start. I’m well aware as I write this that there are some couples who are not able to do this on their own. For those couples it may be time to call in a couples therapist who has a lot of knowledge about how to work with couples. Nora and I have extensive training and experience in working with couples with a wide variety of issues, from communication problems to infidelity. If you would like to speak with either of us please call for a free telephone consultation. We will meet you where you are and help you form a reasonable and appropriate path to a more enjoyable and fulfilling relationship.

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Smiling at Fear (photo by D. Sharon Pruitt via Flickr)

Recently I was reading a book entitled The Best Buddhist Writing 2010, edited by Melvin McLeod. This is a book worth reading; in it is a chapter called “Smile at Fear” by Carolyn Rose Gimian. This weeks quote is taken from her chapter.

When we begin to see the situation as it is and when we begin to see our own minds clearly, we defuse the panic….unless we can make friends with what occurs in our life, we are simply subject to circumstances and controlled by them.

Clients come into my office with a variety fears, fear for their health or the health of loved ones, fear of death and dying, fear for their children’s well-being, fear around their marriage or relationship and other important concerns. There are, of course, many approaches I use for different situations and personalities, however, working with the fear is key. When I help someone understand the deeper meaning of their fear, quiet the fear or even transform fear, not only is it therapeutic for the client, but also it is a truly significant achievement for the client and very rewarding for me.

I should also add that smiling at fear is not just something one reads about and does. The theory and practice of smiling at fear deserves deeper exploration and guidance. This is something I humbly offer my clients.

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Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy.

Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

photo credit: jackenhack

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Active listening involves one partner speaking and the other partner listening and then repeating back to the speaker what they have heard.  If the speaker is satisfied that their partner has heard them they affirm that the listener has gotten this right or if they haven’t, repeat the original statement.  When the listener gets it right, they then say, “is there more?” The speaker then has an opportunity to say more to their partner.  Remember, this involves giving bite-sized pieces so that the partner can repeat it back. Repeat this as many times as your partner needs to express what they want you to understand. Then it’s your turn.

This technique is simple but probably not easy, since most couples, especially if they had something different modeled during childhood, never learned how to do this.  However, with practice, this process can transform the relationship, so give it a chance.

If there is too much conflict, mistrust, fear or tension in your relationship to be able to do active listening, this may be a sign that you need to see a couples therapist who can help you identify, understand and get beyond resistance or other barriers to good communication.

Remember, with any approach success depends on basic good will, which iswhy it is important to work on issues as they arise and not wait until good will has eroded.  If communication becomes too difficult, it is probably a good idea to seek the help of a professional who can help create an island of safety and objectivity.

For a relationship to work it is important to accept yourself and your partner.  There is a big difference between asking for reasonable and specific behavioral changes and expecting or attempting to change your partner.  It is hard enough to make changes in yourself no less change another.

Good luck with active listening. We welcome feedback on how it works for you.

Mark & Nora

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Going for what I want

Don’t go for what you don’t want, go for what you DO want.

– Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

This may sound simplistic but try it and you may be surprised. This philosophy has helped many of my clients and it is something that I live by.

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